I don’t even recognize my own face in the mirror. Bloody, bruised, broken. I can’t even imagine how I got here – hiding in my own house. Locked in the bathroom. Afraid of what he’ll do next if I make a move. Any move. Doesn’t seem to matter. Everything makes him angry these days. Everything makes him lash out. I feel like a scared animal backed into the corner – just trying to survive. Today was the worst it’s been. He messed me up and forced me to do things that make me sick to even think about. Closing my eyes I can see his face - red, sweat dripping, crazed eyes peering at me. Disgusted, angry and hateful. I don’t know why he started hating me. I’ve thought of fighting back – of hurting him like he hurts me. But when it happens, I just can’t think of anything – I just try to keep it from getting any worse than it already is. I know this is not him – he lost his job. He feels depressed and worthless. He really does love me. He doesn’t mean to hurt me. It just happens. He will say sorry – he will feel bad for making me hurt like this. I just don’t know how many more times I can pretend like this didn’t happen – pretend like everything is fine. I hate myself for not having the courage to just leave but I keep thinking it will get better. He’ll get a job and everything will be fine. But I wonder if I will ever be the same again. Will I ever look at him without being afraid of what he might do…
Des
